issue four / panacea
cyanotic
Cain Yin
I was once a perfect angel– now I spin in empty rooms.
Picture me on fire, now paint me as the star.
When I’m good I sing like preachers. Every good thing
comes to life. Day dreamers, starlets. Dead girls and their
pills. Claria Bow splits a fag, ashes it in a can.
I’m beyond saving. I can dance on the points of pins.
Move over, honey; I’ll set this whole town alight. Second
moment. Jilted lover. I’m the maestro of the nickel
screen. Everybody wants a miracle, but no one wants to
see it through. Not me though, I’m a crack shot. I never
leave a witness behind. I ask the dresser what he thinks
of heaven, he brushes lashes from his eye. I think it must
be awful, he says. Not knowing wrong from wrong. I
need good things by the dozens. Vodka tonics. Crushed
up pills. But we don’t have a choice; we can only stand
and wail. Doctors streaming in with their knives and their
pills and all I wanted was a life worth living. In an instant
I’ve forgotten everything, all the roses and the starlets
and the bright gold gleaming lights.
I’m just a matchbook again.
All my angels have left the room.
Picture me on fire, now paint me as the star.
When I’m good I sing like preachers. Every good thing
comes to life. Day dreamers, starlets. Dead girls and their
pills. Claria Bow splits a fag, ashes it in a can.
I’m beyond saving. I can dance on the points of pins.
Move over, honey; I’ll set this whole town alight. Second
moment. Jilted lover. I’m the maestro of the nickel
screen. Everybody wants a miracle, but no one wants to
see it through. Not me though, I’m a crack shot. I never
leave a witness behind. I ask the dresser what he thinks
of heaven, he brushes lashes from his eye. I think it must
be awful, he says. Not knowing wrong from wrong. I
need good things by the dozens. Vodka tonics. Crushed
up pills. But we don’t have a choice; we can only stand
and wail. Doctors streaming in with their knives and their
pills and all I wanted was a life worth living. In an instant
I’ve forgotten everything, all the roses and the starlets
and the bright gold gleaming lights.
I’m just a matchbook again.
All my angels have left the room.
Cain is a third year at the University of Texas at Austin. He has been writing poetry for five years.